Fickle Hate
I hate you. I have always hated you. It's common knowledge that I hate you. Hate you with my entire existence. What's more, I have taken every precaution to show the whole world exactly how much I hate you.
And I know you hate me. You hate me just as much as I hate you, maybe even more. Come to think of it, it's very likely that you hate me more. The sight of me makes you want to hit something, very hard. And the sight of you makes me want to laugh, you ridiculous boy.
You like to walk by me with that self righteous little glare and I like to smirk at you in return, because we hate each other. There is no denying it. We bicker like immature little ten year olds, but we don't care, because when we are faced with each other, our hate just sprouts out of nowhere, and it becomes perfectly acceptable to resort to juvenile teasing.
I don't think I would mind as much if we had silent hate oozing between us. The kind where blood boils at the sight of each other, but we don't say anything, nothing at all, because it's just not worth it. If we hated each other that much, really, we would just ignore each other. Because when I think about it, this sort of futile arguing just shows the obsession we have for each other. We like to taunt, saying things in just the right tone at just the right time, to see if the other will jump for the bait. It's like one big experiment, just to see who has more willpower. Who will give in to the increasing jeers and crescendo in emotions.
It's all just a silly little game.
But that doesn't mean I don't hate you. And that doesn't mean you don't hate me.
But then, I guess, when you're using all of you energy to hate one person so much, it has to turn to rough, bloody sex in the end anyway, right? Because sooner or later, in the middle of going through the daily harassment, I'll say something that is just a little too sharp, and you will get affected just a little too much. And then you'll walk slightly closer to me, your eyes will narrow and your lips will thin. And you'll mutter, barely audible, "What did you say, Malfoy?"
And I'll just sneer back at you, "You heard me Potter. Like father like son, right? Your lack of Quidditch skills today must've been a direct trait from your useless father." And oh, now I've done it because you have balled my robes up into your fists and have slammed me up against the wall.
Everyone will gather around, intrigued, because we rarely ever resort to physical pain. The verbal abuse is usually enough for us. So this is a bit of a treat for the rest of our pitiful schoolmates. And in the middle of concentrating on remaining my cool, indifferent self, your eyes will flicker, and oh, there it is. There is something decidedly different about your gaze. This isn't just the usual, "God how I fucking hate him and wish he would die" gaze. This is more of a, "How the fuck is he keeping that calm façade and I wish I could break him out of it."
And I'll notice, don't think that I won't notice. My breathing will quicken, just a little, so that you won't notice. Not that you would notice anything- you're too busy trying to turn your look back into the menacing thing it's supposed to be.
You'll be so close, so very close, our noses almost touching. And I will feel the incredible urge to snake my hand around you and pull you into the most excruciatingly pleasant kiss of my life. But I won't, I'll just spend my week sulking in my room and wondering what was so captivating about your green eyes.
At that moment, our hate for each other will dissipate. Just for that moment. But the thing is, that moment will probably happen again and again. And each time our feelings for each other will get ever more confusing. But we'll just blame it on hormones, because really, we're just two horny teenage boys with nothing else on our minds but sex.
Well, at least you will. I have already accepted my feelings for you years ago. I think it was sometime in our fourth year, I said something harsh to you, and you reacted, in the normal way. A glare, and a threat forced through gritted teeth. But god, something about how your eyes darkened made me wonder what it would be like to have the famous Harry Potter in bed. That thought kept me up all night.
Since I have already realized and tolerated these feelings for you, I'm just waiting for you to do the same. Because eventually, we are bound to fall in love. It's written everywhere. The typical enemies are fighting when they find something a little deeper, and then they make passionate love in some discreet place, get married, have 2.5 kids- the whole deal.
At any rate, I am confident in by abilities- I know I am good. Not to sound conceited, but I figure, it's a fact, so why not admit it?
I had it all planned out. After the instant I fell in love with you eyes, it was only a matter of time before I fell in love with the rest of you. And soon thereafter, you would fall in just the same way for me. That's how it was supposed to happen. We would live happily ever after, once the wizarding world accepted it. I am glad to say that yes, it did happen. The whole love thing. It just didn't exactly happen the way I wanted it to.