Protection Charms
by Stellamaru

Harry couldn't find his book. It wasn't a magic book, just a Muggle novel he'd been reading to keep his mind off the Dursleys. Now, right when the secret agent had been poised to expose the mole within the highest reaches of Muggle government, the book had gone missing.

Dudley had it, Harry would bet on it. With a spark of self-righteous anger, Harry stomped down the hallway in his socks to Dudley's door. He pushed it open with cursory knock, saying, "Has Duddy-dinkums got my book--"

He cut short in surprise. Dudley was sitting on his bed, trousers discarded on the floor, one meaty hand wrapped around his equally meaty penis.

"Get out!" Dudley roared as he stood up and sent the magazine he'd been looking at flying.

Harry stared, transfixed. Then he laughed.

Dudley's face turned purple with anger. He grabbed his trousers and held them in front while he stalked towards Harry. "Get out or I'll--"

"What? Tell your mum?" Harry said, clutching his sides while he laughed. "Ooh, Mummy, nasty Harry interrupted me while I was having a wank!"

"Get out," Dudley repeated with less conviction.

Harry ignored him and bent down to pick up Dudley's magazine. He had an idea. "This is nothing," he said confidentially. "I'll show you something special."

In spite of himself, Dudley looked curious.

"Wait here," Harry told him.

Back in his room, Harry rifled through his trunk of belongings until he found it: the magazine Fred and George had given him. It was charmed, like most material of its kind, to show pictures of racing brooms and really cool dragons to anyone who wasn't of age. Fred and George and gone through and removed the age-charms from each photo, revealing the true images.


"Here," Harry said, throwing the magazine at Dudley, who had pulled on his trousers, but hadn't buttoned them.

Dudley flipped the magazine open and widened his eyes. "They- they're moving," he said with wonder. It was like he'd just discovered what made magic, well, magical.

Harry chuckled. "Lock your door this time," he said, leaving Dudley alone.

He slowly walked back to his room, keeping his ears open and waiting. He'd looked at the magazine several times already. It filled him with curiosity--did Cho look like that under her robes? Would she have let him see, if things hadn't fallen apart? He didn't think she looked quite like that. She had a wiry Seeker's body, like his own and Malfoy's. Hermione, on the other hand, was kind of curvy. He certainly didn't look like any of the men in the pictures, except in terms of having vaguely similar parts.

Harry hoped no one would expect him to look like those men. Of course, a situation where such an expectation might come up was probably a million years away.

He was turning his doorknob when he heard Dudley's scream, shrill and reedy.

"Oh, right," Harry whispered with a slightly wicked smile. There was that one centerfold the twins hadn't removed the protection charms from. It showed a large Hungarian Horntail, flaming and flying right towards the viewer. It looked almost like it would fly right off the page, if Harry remembered correctly.

"Maybe uncle Vernon has my book, after all."


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