The Distance To The Sun
I knew exactly where I was
and I knew the meaning of it all
and I knew the distance to the sun
and I knew the echo that is love
and I knew the secrets in your spires
and I knew the emptiness of youth
Muzzle -- The Smashing Pumpkins
He stood to the side at the memorial service, in the dark where the candle-light didn't reach, because that's where he belonged. Neptune was strong on being where you belonged. He wasn't part of the in-crowd of official mourners - friends, family, teachers - standing sadly around the trickling glass fountain. He just stood on the edge, looking in.
Which was fine, because he hadn't really known Lilly, certainly not enough to justify feeling a hurt in his belly at the sight of her dancing on screen, even larger than life. Not enough to feel a suspicious ache behind his eyes at hearing her sunshine laughter and her teasing voice work their customary magic on the crowd, even from the grave.
She was trouble, naturally. Not in the same way as Weevil's cousin, Stella -- she was bad news, but at least she only caused trouble for herself. No, Lilly was Trouble, danger to anyone within a hundred foot radius, and Weevil wasn't stupid, would never have gotten near enough to get sucked in by that charm. Fly too close to the sun and you'll get burned.
"Enjoy the ride."
He'd always kept his distance.
Except that once. Not that it really counted, but still--
It was a Thursday night, late last September, and he'd been on his way to a private poker match. He'd been pushing his bike to the limit along the straight beach road when she'd imperiously flagged him down and demanded that he fetch her gas. Actually, if he was gonna be honest with the memory, she'd not even done that. Just said 'I'm out of gas' in that little girl voice, and assumed that he'd do exactly what he'd done, fetch some for her. He was halfway to the station before he began to question why he was helping her.
Funny thing though, she demanded and took, yet managed to make you feel like she was doing you a favor in letting you help her. He admired that, even in a woman.
"You love me, don't you."
The whole world had loved her. Or hated her, and avoided her. And someone had hated her enough to kill her. But no one had been indifferent to her. You didn't ignore the sun.
Yeah, she'd been a snotty bitch, but-- Weevil thought he'd miss steering clear of her, miss keeping that smile and those laughing eyes and taunting curves in the corner of his vision, just so that he knew he was sufficiently far away.
"Yo, Weev, let's hit it." He heard the sound out of the dark behind him, but didn't register the words.
"Weevil!" Sharper this time, Felix getting impatient. Time to leave.
"Yeah, yeah, that's right man." He scrubbed his face roughly with the heels of his palms. "Let's go, the night's young."
And the sun was gone.