by Nostalgia

Been here before, yes. Been in a body that looks too young and gets treated as an object. Been here with eyes that get described in too much detail by people he's barely even met. It's a bit pretty, all told, and not exactly let down by what he'd modestly describe as his usual astonishing natural charisma.

Bit of myopia, left heart a bit quick since it restarted, bad skin. He looks at his body and thinks that it'll do. Rose looks at it and thinks of sex. No way round that, really. The looks she gives him are slightly longer and even more speculative than they used to be. The changes to him will take a while for them both to work out, and the body is the thing that's immediately obvious as new. When humans start thinking about bodies they eventually think about sex. Humans are always thinking about sex.

And sometimes he thinks about it too. He thinks about Rose and her hormones, Rose and her curves, Rose and the way she licks her teeth all the bloody time.

Sometimes he wishes he'd never taken Rose with him, because that puts her off-limits. It places her on the list of people he's liked enough to travel with and then only too late noticed that he's fallen in love with them. Rose, Tegan, Jamie, Fitz, Jo... Benny had left him by the time she jumped him in England, and Romana... well, that was different. She knew what she was getting into. And she started it anyway. But Rose is off-limits. Rose is the one person he can't touch, and the one he'd most like to.

Which doesn't mean he doesn't occasionally think about it. Open wounds have turned to scars, and maybe he's just getting broody again, but he's sure he thinks about sex more now. Not just sex as it relates to Rose, either. Whatever the reasoning behind it, it doesn't help that people keep looking at him. He's only slightly annoyed that this is new, that it makes him label people as shallow before he's even met them properly. He's more annoyed that he likes it.

All his children are dead, and his body seems to have decided that he should start thinking about having more. His eyes are drawn to Rose's hips and to her breasts, and no amount of reasoning will kill that instinct. In amongst all this, is a restored confidence in himself and a willingness to want things.

And then there's the body. The body and the fact that when he flirts with people, he's suddenly a lot more open to delivering on the promise. The fact that the flirting works, that it's so much easier to make people do what he wants them to and how horribly easy it's always been to want to move them like chess pieces to get things done. He's no longer scared of himself, and he should be, because when Rose uses sex to manipulate people, it's just instinct and a lack of other options. He's got plenty of methods, and the last thing the universe should be doing is giving him more ways to get what he wants.

And he wants, oh, he wants. Wants to remind people that celibacy is not the same as asexuality; wants to kiss complete strangers for the hell of it; wants to be called a slut at least once; wants to sink into Rose and hear her moan.

He begins to have an idea why he started wanting.

The body needs to sleep occasionally, which means that it dreams. The dreams are vivid and enticing, and they make him want to sleep more often. He wants to sleep as much as Rose does; he wants to sleep with Rose and then wake up and get her tired all over again.

A recurring motif is Rose, glowing bright and killing him with a kiss. The power to change anything in the universe and at the end not even able to control it. Rose becomes the second woman to give him something human, and he can't miss the cosmic irony of both things intersecting in another dodgy regeneration. One of them creating him from her body, the other reshaping him with her mind.

(And he really has to stop thinking of Rose in any context that also features his mother.)


Rose wanted him to dream, and so he dreams. Sometimes it's Rose, sometimes it's Romana, sometimes it's Rose and Romana. Sometimes Jack is inside him, and he wants more and deeper and harder, sometimes Anji is pressing down on him, and her hair is sticking to her sweat-soaked skin. Sometimes it's a woman who learned to hate him, and her belly is swollen when he moves his mouth across it. Sometimes he's in love; sometimes he isn't. Once or twice, his partner is angry, and he expects to wake with bruises.

It's always this body, because that's the one Rose wants.


In a charming barred-spiral galaxy, he meets a charming being of indeterminate gender and slips off when Rose isn't looking. Half the time is spent trying to work out how to fit their bodies together in a mutually satisfying way, and when he gets back to the thumping bass of the nightclub, Rose is still there, waiting and glowering and looking more than a little disgusted.

She calls him a slut.

He doesn't tell her that he dreamt this, that he wants to prove he can break the rules she set without even knowing it. That the last time this happened, the details were different, and it ended with her confessing her love in a slightly melodramatic fashion as he shagged her against a wall. He's trying to rebel (which is the one thing he's always been good at). Rose is young, and she doesn't understand that you can't just change something and expect it to be exactly what you wanted. He doesn't tell her that he's angry, that she's taken something from him by giving him a body that wants to press itself against hers and pretend that she's right, that maybe the world doesn't end if the Doctor dances. That hers is one that might get torn apart if he does. He doesn't tell her any of this.

What he tells her is that sometimes he wants things.


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