The Scorned Women Club
by Beth C.

Just like on earth, the law firm of Wolfram and Hart had many branches throughout hell. Lilah's first gig after being told that she was a risk on earth and wouldn't be allowed back up there for awhile was at the processing firm.

Sometimes important people came through the gates, and someone was needed there to make sure they could put their talents to good use despite their deaths. However, despite the fact that millions flooded through the gates of hell each day, very rarely were the people worth the effort.

As a result, Lilah had many hours to do her nails that always chipped no matter how careful she was and to do all of the other little things that she had taken for granted on earth and that hell liked to fuck with.

"Miss Morgan?" the intercom barked, "You are needed at the front desk."

Her secretary was a little woman whose version of hell was to answer phones for eternity. She had worked for Time-Life books and had died on the job, having an aneurysm while trying to convince someone that they gave out free calendars and not football phones.

"Do you need me this very second?" Lilah frowned, placing her nail file on the desk, "I'm very busy and would prefer not to come if I don't have to."

"Yes, you are needed right now," the voice demanded, "Anyanka has been brought down, and she's less then happy about it."

"She's early and you were supposed to call me before she got here," Lilah frowned, "Has she maimed anyone yet?"

"Just Joe the Doorman and I've already called the maintenance staff to come clean up what's left of him."

Hell wasn't a shock to Lilah. It was what she had worked towards, and it was where she would've gone even if she wasn't working for the law firm.

But it was her choice to be there, and that was all that mattered. However Lilah knew that Anya's situation was a little different.

"Hell? What do you mean Hell!" she screamed at the secretary sitting in front of her, "I bet fucking Spike got to heaven."

"Actually, he's not in heaven and he is going through is really funny" Lilah laughed, pushing through the crowd of autograph-seekers towards her, "My name is Lilah Morgan, I run this branch of the office. Anyanka, it is an honor to meet you."

Anya stared at her outstretched hand, "But I gave myself too! I didn't run away and I saved that little wimp!"

"Anyanka, please come with me to my office so I can discuss this with you," she smiled, "It will make much more sense after we talk."

"I don't want it to make sense! I just want to go to heaven and not have to see my old co-workers at the local bar every night!" she yelled as she followed Lilah into her office, "I want answers and I want them now."

"Give me your top five questions, and I'll give you the answers," Lilah grinned, "Do you want a drink? I have some great scotch."

Anya nodded as Lilah poured, "Question number 1, why am I in hell?"

Lilah answered with another question, "Did you really think a couple of years of being a barely decent human being would give you a first-class ticket to heaven?"

"Miss Morgan, I lived in hell for many years longer then you probably have, and I know about the clause that states if one gives themselves for the good of the earth their prior sins are forgiven and they are sent to heaven," Anya explained, "Thus, I'm not supposed to be here and I want to go to heaven immediately."

"Hell doesn't make mistakes," Lilah handed her the glass, "You do belong here because you forgot the clause that if you at any time worked as a demon there would be repercussions."

"When was that added?" Anya demanded, "I read the rules before I agreed to the position."

"Do you want that to be your second question?" Lilah asked back

Anya shook her head, "Second question, how long am I going to be down here?"

"It's not permanent, unless you want it to be."

Anya smiled brightly, "Okay, now I can calm down a little bit. Third question, what do you do in hell for fun? It's been awhile since I've been here. Does Dante still run that bar?"

"He does, but no one really goes there anymore. As you know the alcohol is watery but it gets the job done, the TV only reflects what our loved ones are doing without us, and there's no masturbation," Lilah shrugged, "Hell is what you make of it."

"We can still have sex though?" Anya looked at her worried, "They didn't get rid of that while I was gone too?"

Lilah sat next to her on the couch, "There is still sex in hell but most people lose their libido or aren't worth it."

"I decided a long time ago that when I died, my afterlife would be spent having lots of sex. Do you still like to have sex and if you do, could we try it later?" Anya moved closer to her, "It's been awhile and I think Xander would want me to be happy like I want him to be."

"Maybe later, we have to fill out some paper work and deal with some things."

Anya nodded excitedly, "I always wanted to try that but the only girls I knew that did that were way too Lilith Fair for me and didn't look like they'd want to spank me or anything like that."

"Don't worry about that," Lilah smiled slyly, "I'd be happy to spank you."

"Fourth question, how is Xander?"

Lilah flipped on the TV. Wesley had his arm around a sobbing Xander, trying to comfort him.

"I know that look! That's a sex look he's giving Xander!" Anya squealed ,"I guess they have more in common then just Cordelia now."

"They have us too, their unapologetically evil dead girlfriends," Lilah smirked.

"If they do start having sex, do we get to watch?"

"Of course, we can," Lilah nodded, "we have a lot of free time on our hands."

"Neat! I only saw that once when I found this video in Xander's cabinet that he swore wasn't his."

From outside the office, a cheer had begun, "We want Anyanka! We want Anyanka!"

"Fifth question, Why is there a crowd following us with autograph books?" Anya said, staring at the crowd that continued to grow outside the door.

"You have a huge fan base at Wolfram and Hart, many of us were your devout followers before entering the law profession," Lilah smiled shyly, "You even granted me a wish when I was younger."

"Lily? Lily Jean Morgan from San Diego?" Anya grabbed her tightly in a hug, "I remember you!"

"You do?" Lilah said surprised.

"The demon world had a lot of interest in you," Anya explained, looking at her warmly "Want to go catch up, I'd like to hear what you've been up to?"

"Okay, I'll show you to your apartment, and we can get some dinner," Lilah agreed.

"Then can we have sex?" Anya asked, jumping up from the couch.

"There's no need to rush Anya, there are many people down here who can't wait to show you how much you mean to them," Lilah said following her, "The whole scorned women club out there would love to show you a good time."

Anya opened the door, turning towards Lilah as the crowd descended on her, "I thought this was hell but it's really starting to sound like heaven,"

"That's exactly what I like to think," Lilah said grabbing her hand, "Hell is what you make it."


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