...And A Pony
Rory loves her parents.
She loves her mother's bright presence, endless chatter, and quiet understanding of what it's like to be a teenage girl.
She loves her father's ability to make her feel loved and cherished, and she's really happy that he's a bigger part of her life now, though she wishes he would come through in the clutch more often than he has in the past. Maybe now that he's got a new baby, a new job, a new fiancˇe -- maybe he will. Maybe Gigi will grow up feeling secure.
But neither of them are what you'd call steady. Reliable. Predictable.
Sure, her mother is always there for her, and her father is getting better at it. And Grandma and Grandpa aren't going anywhere anytime soon, so she can count on Friday night dinners at the Gilmores' until she's bringing her own daughters.
But Rory likes security. She likes knowing that some things don't change. It's one reason she loves Stars Hollow so much, and in the end decides on Yale instead of Harvard. It's why she tried for so long to make it work with Dean, even after she knew she had feelings for Jess.
And now Jess is gone, and he's not coming back. She took risks for him, made changes, and then he left, and she's still not sure how she feels about that.
She doesn't like change. Doesn't like the sick feeling in the pit of her stomach and the nervous rush of blood in her veins as her heart speeds up and her words tumble ever more quickly from her lips.
There's one thing -- one person, really -- on whom she can always count not to change.
There's Luke's, and there's Luke.
Rory secretly wishes her mother would marry Luke.
She loves her father dearly, but part of her wants to feel as safe as she does whenever she's under Luke's watchful eye.
She knows he's in love with her mother, and has been for years. Now that she's old enough to recognize it, she thinks her mother might be in love right back. Both of them are too scared to do anything about it, though.
Her mother will never respond to Luke's tentative, unspoken advances. He'll never sweep her off her feet and make her giddy.
But he could wrap them both up in the warm embrace of his love, and she would know that this one thing would never change. He's a touchstone, an anchor, and she needs that in her life. She cannot tell her mother this. She knows that Lorelai would only feel guilty and try harder to be things that she isn't -- can't -- be.
She believes that love should make you a better version of what you are, through your own choice. It shouldn't try to force you into a mold you were never meant to fit into. And Rory knows that Lorelai has spent her whole life breaking ill-fitting molds cast by her parents, her lovers, her friends. Rory doesn't want to be one of those people, pushing her mother into something she doesn't want.
But she watches Lorelai watch Luke, and he watches her right back, and she thinks that Luke would understand, because Luke doesn't fit a mold either.
Rory wishes that they'd realize that the reason they don't fit alone is because they're meant to fit together.