Honk If You Demand Satisfaction
by Twinkledru J.

Elijah Wood was very unsatisfied.

He'd arrived at Orli's room to find five of his fellow cast members, including the host, sitting around the table and engaged in some kind of game, which they'd promptly tried to quit and clammed up about when Lij entered. After a few minutes of prying, someone had made a comment about his age, and things got ugly.

"The point is, you guys think I can't handle whatever it is you're playing." Elijah said, affronted. "That is an insult to my honor! I demand satisfaction!"

All present looked at him blankly, with the exception of Viggo, who gave him a secret little smile. Elijah looked at the others in disbelief. "Come on," he said, looking around. "Don't you guys know 'The Simpsons'? The dueling guy?" He sang a few bars of the "Glove Slap" song in an attempt to garner support. "Glove slap, baby glove slap, glove slap, I don't take crap..."

"Well, you see, Elijah," said Dom, "not all of us are seventeen-year- old Americans. So no, we don't know what you're talking about."

"In his defense," said Viggo, "I knew what he was talking about, and I'm not seventeen."

"And I'm eighteen, if you'll recall," Lij huffed, irritated.

"Fine," Orli said grudgingly. "You can play."

"Cool," Lij said, all righteous indignation gone. He plopped down in a chair between Dom and Billy. "So how does this go, exactly?"

"We come up with the most obscene stuff we can," said Billy, leering at Elijah.

"About each other," added Dom, another such leer on his face.

"It's my turn," Sean spoke up, smirking. "And I was saving this one to get rid of the Elf there next round, but since you think you're up to the game..."

Orli snorted. "This shouldn't take long."

Elijah glared at Orli, then turned so that he faced Sean directly. "Go on," he said calmly, to a chorus of 'ooohs' from round the table. Sean's voice was not among them; he merely continued to smirk.

"All right," he said cheerfully. "How's this -- you and Liv..."


An hour and seventeen minutes later, only Sean and Elijah remained in the game. Orli watched from his chair across the table, sipping his fourth bottle of beer and looking amused.

"All right, Wood," Sean finally said. "Let's call it a draw for tonight, huh?"

"Hell, no!" Lij said. "I demand satisfaction! What's wrong, Bean?" he challenged. "Less stamina at your age? Maybe I should make the next one more realistic by including something about Viagra in there."

"Oooh," Orli jeered. "That's harsh, Lij."

Sean's eyes flashed. "All right," he said, and his voice made Elijah suddenly feel very, very afraid.

"Look," he added, trying to seem agreeable without seeming like he was scared, which he really, really was all of a sudden, and he hoped he was a good enough actor after a couple of beers and forty minutes of this to pull it off, "all I'm sayin' is that if you're tired, let's actually finish this, and -- "

"No, no, it's fair," Sean said lightly. Elijah was even more afraid now, and he noticed that Sean had moved his chair quite close to Elijah. His voice dropped as he started to speak, and Elijah was forced to lean in so that he could hear Sean's beer-and-cigarette- raspy brogue, and he suddenly noticed that the older man's hand was on his knee. He said nothing, knowing that the bastard would probably just move it up his thigh if he mentioned it.

"In a few days," Sean began, "Viggo and Orli will be doing Helm's Deep at night, and I'll be in the trailer getting my makeup done for our Amon Hen scene."

"'Our Amon Hen scene?'" Lij repeated. "You mean, where -- "

"Boromir is overcome by lust?" Orli asked, snickering and startling Elijah, who realized then that he'd forgotten there was someone else there.

"The peanut gallery can fuck off," Sean snapped at Orlando, who just laughed and took another drink. Sean turned back to Elijah, and his voice dropped even further now. Lij had to lean in until his nose was only an inch or so from Sean's, and the other man held his gaze calmly. "After you get your feet done," he said, "you're going to tell the rest of the hobbits that you want to run the scene with me a couple of times. You'll come to my trailer, and we'll run through the lines until the girl who's doing my makeup finishes and leaves."

"Then what?" Elijah challenged, chin jutting out determinedly.

Sean smiled, and while his left hand remained on Lij's knee, his right came up to stroke the back of Elijah's head. He leaned in a little further, and there was no trace of a smile anymore as his eyes froze into Lij. "Then, while the lines are still hanging in the air, while we're both in full costume," and his hand was burning slowly up Lij's thigh, thumb tracing a hot path back and forth across his jeans, "I am going to fuck you."

Elijah froze, completely and totally froze. His lips parted slightly, and he managed to hold Sean's steely gaze as he licked his lips with a lead-slow tongue. "Is that all you've got for that one?" he finally whispered, hoping that maybe the fact that he was whispering because it seemed that part of his mind had just been blown could be passed of as whispering because he was playing along. He knew that even if that had been all Sean had, asking that would only be a dare to continue.

Sure enough, Sean gave a low, harsh chuckle. "Oh, god no," he said, grinning hungrily. "I am going to fuck you," he repeated, one of his fingertips tracing along Elijah's jaw. "I am going to fuck you so hard that you won't be able to sit down for the rest of the week. You will bite your lip, have to wipe the blood off of your face, because the door will be unlocked and if you scream, someone will be there in a second to see what the racket's about. And that would be terrible -- " by now he had leaned even further in, and his breath was hot on Elijah's ear, but at least he didn't have to look at Sean's eyes anymore. "Because the one thing you'll want is for it to keep going, for me to keep fucking you..." here he gave the tiniest little 'hhh' of a laugh, the gentle puff of hot air making Elijah jump about a foot in his seat. "Until you're satisfied."

Elijah couldn't move, couldn't even blink, could only take shallow, shuddering breaths of air like hot honey, thick and sticky and hypertonically sweet. Nothing could carry in air like that, and of course that was the only reason why Sean was right next to him, whispering and murmuring like he was.

There was a long, low whistle from the other side of the table, and Lij jumped again. He ws blushing furiously, he knew, but it was just because of that air. It was so hard to breathe in here, because each breath you took meant that more and more of the honeyfogair was pooling in the bottom of your lungs, holding them still, heating you from the inside and making each breath come slowly and heavily. Lij studiously ignored Sean's smirk and tried hard to glare at Orli, who couldn't contain his laughter.

"My god, Sean, look at 'im!" he managed while gasping for air. "Peter's gonna kill you, man; you broke Frodo!"

Elijah blinked once, slowly, squeezing his eyes tight and trying to breathe. Sean seemed to take pity on him and offered him the rest of his own beer. Lij glared at Sean, who shrugged, the smirk returning, and drained it himself. When the bottle was empty, he glanced at Orlando, who was grinning. "Do I have to shut you up, too, Bloom?"

"I'm knocking before I go into the trailer from now on, man," Orli said, still chuckling weakly. "And fuck off, he's the one who demanded satisfaction, not me."

Sean rolled his eyes. "Come on, Elijah," he said in a conciliatory tone. "I'll walk you to your room."

"Whooo!" Orli piped up.

Sean reached across the table to whack him. "What did I say about the peanut gallery?" he asked.


Sean turned to leave, and Elijah hooked a finger through the belt loop on the older man's faded, worn jeans and yanked. With a jerk, Sean was pulled back to Elijah's side and arched an eyebrow. "Yes?"

"You can't just say shit like -- " Lij started. "I mean, what you were -- "

"It was a game, Lij," Sean said patiently. "This, I'm sure, is why they didn't want you playing.

"But -- " Elijah tried again. Sean gave him that stupid goddamn patient dad smile.

So Lij shouted, as Sean turned to leave, "I demand satisfaction!"

Sean glanced over his shoulder, clearly not quite sure how to react. "What?" he asked incredulously.

Lij strode over to the older man. "I -- " he kissed him once, quickly. "Demand -- " once more, a little longer, softer. "Satisfaction," he finished, barely a whisper, his lips brushing against Sean's.

"Elijah -- " Sean began, and then kissed him back, his tongue slipping past Lij's lips this time, and suddenly the taste of cigarettes and beer wasn't entirely a bad thing.

"You can't just say all that stuff," Elijah whispered, kissing Sean's stubbled jaw. "You can't just -- not follow through after that."

"Lij, it's not -- we're not -- "

"You're not my father," Elijah said shortly, and kissed Sean again to prove it. "You're not my father, you're not a father figure, the fact that you are concievably old enough to be my father has nothing to do with anything. You can't stay stuff like that and then not follow through on it."

"You think I wouldn't follow through on it?" Sean asked, grinning wickedly now and slowly pushing Elijah back until he found his back against the wall. "You think I'm just all talk?"

"Well," Lij started, and Sean kissed him this time, hungrily, sucked on Elijah's lower lip briefly as he pulled his lips away.

"That," Sean said, in a mock-affronted voice, "is an insult to my honor."

Lij grinned as Sean kissed his throat, fingers running through his hair. "I demand satisfaction," Sean murmured against his ear.

Elijah couldn't help laughing as he fumbled with the lock on his room's door, and Sean kissed him again as he finally got it open and they fell together into the darkness.


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