by TopazAngel

It shouldn't have to be this way. Us against her. Cordelia is the first person that I ever felt I could trust. She has always been so much more than anyone thought or expected. I guess in a way that's still true.

She is the last person I could have expected. Cordelia. One of my best friends. Until I chose to kidnap Connor, and mess up everyone's lives. So, I have to wonder. Is this all my fault? If I had made a different choice last year, would I be here now, on my way to find my best friend and kill her?

I can remember everything that has happened between us for the past six months. It's so hard to believe this is the same person. This is the girl that I danced with at her senior prom. This is the woman that I saw go through the transformation from a selfish teenager to a woman who cared far more about any of her friends than herself. She would have done anything for Angel, for any of us...And this is what she has become. And now it's my job to get rid of her.

I couldn't make Angel come down here. He wanted to. But I know, as well as he, that he would not be able to kill her. He loves her. Not to say that I don't love Cordelia. I do, but not in the way Angel does. He can't be expected to do this. Its my duty. We owe it to Cordelia to make sure that this thing using her body, doesn't do anymore damage. Its already done enough.

I really don't think it has settled in that she's the one who killed Lilah. If it had been Angel, at least I could believe in my whole heart and mind that it wasn't really him. Knowing that it was Cordelia...I want to believe that something is controlling her, and she isn't doing these things. Not Cordelia. But it is a possibility. What if she is her? She killed Lilah. Cordelia. Not Angel.

I can hear something in the next room. Cordelia's screams. Its all I can do to hope that it isn't too late. That she hasn't given birth to whatever she has been carrying. I still can't believe his has to be done. Cordelia. All of this has been her. All of it. And this is the moment it comes down to. I shouldn't hesitate. But I do.

Another mistake. I step into the room. It's too late. I see her. Her body lying on the floor. She is gone. Not dead, but certainly not anything resembling alive. I walk over to where she is lying. It's too late. I messed up again. Cordelia has given birth to God knows what, and I could have stopped it.

I can't bear that she will ever know that. That if she ever awakes again, she'll know that I messed up again. That allowed this birth to happen. She'll know I could have stopped it, but I messed up again. I can't bear the thought of her knowing...

I wonder for a second, if I should put her out of her misery. Ensure that she never knows that I didn't stop her when I could have. Of course I don't. I curse myself for letting the thought even cross my mind. I couldn't kill her when I needed to. How could I do it when I don't? My eyes scan the room for Connor. He is gone. I assume he has left with whatever Cordelia has given birth to.

I am careful as I lift her body from the ground. I have to help her. I have to make up for what I have done. I carry her out of the warehouse. Suddenly the fact that she killed Lilah doesn't matter. The fact that she has been using and manipulating us for the past six months is irrelevant. I look down at her. She looks so helpless. She looks like Cordy. She looks like the kind hearted woman that I have known for the past four years. I look at her intently.

"Its okay Cordelia. You'll be okay. I promise," I whisper to her softly. I mean it. I am not going to mess up this time. I won't let her or anyone down again.


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