Cheesecake Or Death
by Shrift

Clark shifted restlessly on the bed, drumming his heels against the mattress for a few moments before glaring through the wall of Lex's office. Lex was still sitting at his desk, the keyboard clattering and the fax machine disgorging enough paper to start a good-sized fire. If Clark was inclined to use his heat vision, that is. Which he wasn't, because Lex probably wouldn't appreciate him incinerating the penthouse, not to mention that Clark hadn't signed up for university housing after freshman year, so making himself homeless was pretty dumb. And while he didn't particularly want his macroeconomics textbook, he was pretty sure he'd need it for his final exam because Lex probably would be too pissed to tutor him if he turned their entertainment center into a heap of smoking slag.

No, Martha Kent didn't raise an arsonist, but it was tempting. Lex had walked through the door three hours ago looking cool and elegant, totally unlike how everyone else in the world looked like rumpled barn cats after spending almost twenty-four hours stuck on an airplane. Lex had wiggled out of Clark's bear hug, bussed Clark's cheek, and then gone immediately into his office -- leaving Clark with a suitcase in one hand, Lex's overcoat in the other, and a puzzled expression on his face. None of these things had really figured into Clark's plans to welcome Lex home. There wasn't nearly enough nakedness, for starters.

"I'm not here," Lex had said, sitting down behind his desk and loosening his dark purple tie. As he had watched Lex undo the top button of his lavender shirt, Clark had wondered if Lex would consider himself here if Clark said hello to the hollow of Lex's throat with his tongue.

"Funny," Clark had said, propping his shoulder against the doorframe. "'Cause you kind of are. And I think I'd notice, since I'm pretty sure that you haven't been here all week."

"Give me an hour," Lex had said, looking intent but unenthused as he booted up his laptop. "I need to tie up some loose ends."

Clark had wanted to refuse loudly, and then stomp around the penthouse slamming doors off their hinges. But he didn't, because acting like a five-year-old also hadn't been in his plans to welcome Lex home. And there still wasn't nearly enough nakedness. "And then you're all mine?"

Lex had looked up then, a smile turning up his mouth and the low rumble of his voice promising he meant what he said. "And then I'm all yours."

That was almost three hours ago, and Clark was getting impatient. Impatient enough that if Lex didn't come out of his office in the next five minutes, Clark was going to do something drastic and possibly even foolhardy.

A glance through the wall revealed that the fax machine had finally stopped spitting paper, but Lex was typing as fast as ever, a fan of paperwork spread over his desktop. Clark stared at the clock, watching the red numbers change until it was 8:58, exactly five minutes since he had made his impetuous decision, and then stalked into Lex office and planted his hands on top of Lex's paperwork.

"We need to have sex right now," Clark said.

Lex didn't bother to look up and appreciate Clark's loom. "And why is that?"

Clark was already beginning to regret not using the last five minutes for an actual plan of attack. Bearding the lion in his den? Good. Zero strategy for doing so? A world of bad.

"Because if we don't, I'll die?"

Lex squinted at his monitor, hitting the backspace key a few times. "Precisely when did you become a Vulcan, Mister Spock? I've only been gone for six days."

"Six days, eighteen hours, and forty-nine minutes, and this isn't funny, Lex," Clark said, even though it pretty much was, but he'd committed himself to a course of action, and now he had to see it through if wanted to get laid. Which meant he probably shouldn't mention that if he was supposed to be Spock, that would make Lex Captain James T. Kirk.

And that was a wise decision, except his mouth didn't stay shut quite as planned. "So, is that a tricorder in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"

Lex looked at him incredulously, hands frozen over the keyboard. "What?"

"I didn't just say that," Clark said hurriedly.

"Oh," Lex said, "I think you actually did, Clark."

"Okay, then right now would be a good time to develop hysterical amnesia?" Clark said.

Lex raised an eyebrow. "Now you're saying that I should forget about having sex with you?"

"No!" Clark rallied. "Because if we don't have sex, I'm gonna die. Seriously."

"Really," Lex said, rubbing his bottom lip with his thumb before typing some more. "I'm amazed that you survived your adolescence if the consequences of chastity are so dire."

Clark circled the desk so he could loom over Lex a little more impressively. "Hey. How do you know blue balls aren't fatal to my kind?"

Lex snorted. "It's a poorly-designed species that actually expires from sexual frustration."

"I was expecting a lecture on Achilles, not evolutionary theory," Clark said, anchoring one hand on the back of Lex's chair.

"That's not what I meant," Lex said, tapping a few more keys to lock his computer and then finally tilting his head back. Lex took a long, appreciative, visual grope of a look up and down Clark's body, his eyes heavy-lidded, lips parted. "There's nothing poorly-designed about you, Clark."

"Oh," Clark said, and he suddenly wanted to superspeed their clothes off so he could rub himself all over Lex's skin.

So he did, much to Lex's momentary consternation. And then he sat down in the chair he'd pulled Lex out of, tumbling Lex forward onto his lap. Clark tucked his nose under the corner of Lex's jaw and took a deep breath, smoothing his hands down Lex's warm back. Lex smelled like himself under the scents of fading cologne and stale air.

"Hi," Clark said when he pulled back. The leather chair creaked.

Lex smiled, eyes crinkling. "Miss me?"

"Terminally," Clark said, and pulled him down for a kiss before Lex could roll his eyes. He had missed Lex, more than he was willing to admit. He'd missed Lex's heavy weight on his thighs, missed his freckled skin, and the noise he made when he didn't want to get out of bed in the morning. Plus, Lex's coffee tasted better than anything Clark ever managed, and he had no idea where Lex had left the remote control for the TV. And while he could change the channel pretty easily using his superpowers, it was the principle of the thing that mattered.

Yeah, Clark had definitely missed Lex's everything, especially the warm tongue stroking into his mouth. He gathered Lex closer, and Lex looped his arm around Clark's neck and buried his left hand in Clark's hair, pulling Clark's head back and a little to the side so they could kiss open-mouthed and fierce. Clark had his hands on Lex's ass, rocking him forward gently. Lex took his mouth from Clark's with a gasp, his breath ragged, so Clark moved the kiss to Lex's neck. Lex arched into it for a moment before tugging on Clark's hair again.

Lex was breathing hard and his mouth was red, the skin on the side of his neck wet and shiny from Clark's mouth, showing pink indentations from his teeth.

"Miss me?" Clark said, shaking the hair out of his eyes.

Lex rolled his hips, and said over Clark's hiss, "Yeah."

"Good," Clark said faintly, watching Lex slide off his lap and kneel between his legs, running his hands up Clark's thighs. "Because I'd hate to be alone. In the missing you thing, I mean, because technically I've been alone all --"

Clark had a tendency to babble when Lex was on his knees like this, on his knees and wrapping his lips around Clark's cock, his cheeks hollowed and a line of concentration between his eyebrows. It made Clark's face go hot, and it made his legs tremble, and it made him so hard he did feel like he would die if he didn't come.

"-- week, and oh god, Lex, I love your mouth," he said, squeezing one hand into a fist as his cock disappeared between Lex's lips. He palmed the back of Lex's head, the skin beneath his hand soft and warm. Lex was smooth all over, pale and lean. Clark used to think it made him look fragile, but he'd learned better. Lex didn't bruise easily, and this was a good thing because the sheer number of times Lex had been kidnapped scared Clark so badly that the last time it had happened, he'd briefly toyed with the idea of handcuffing himself to Lex and smooshing the only key.

And then Clark had realized that he'd have to sit through Lex's board meetings, and those things were a whole new kind of boring, infinitely worse than Professor Kaminski's lectures on transnational linkages, which Clark had sworn at the time made his ears bleed. And when Lex had smirked and made an annoying comment expressing his surprise at Clark's newfound interest in bondage, that had been it for the 'handcuffed for life' idea.

Clark shut his eyes when Lex swallowed his cock, and they shot back open when Lex started humming. Lex looked up and smiled with his eyes, his lips stretched thin and the off-center scar a pale line. Wonderingly, Clark said, "God, I really want to fuck you right now."

Lex let Clark's cock slip from his mouth with a wet slurp. He bit Clark's hip, and then pushed himself up using Clark's knees for leverage. "Well, I certainly don't want your untimely demise on my conscience."

Clark took Lex's extended hand and stood, crowding Lex against the desk so he could kiss Lex's swollen mouth. "Good," he said into Lex's cheek. "I like living."

"I like you living, too. But Clark," Lex said, pushing Clark back but following closely due to Clark's hands being rather firmly anchored on Lex's hips. "I'd rather sit on you than on my keyboard."

Clark grinned and haphazardly guided them into the bedroom. "Sorry."

"Make it up to me," Lex said, and let Clark manhandle him onto the bed. Lex sprawled back on the dark sheets, one hand resting above his bellybutton. His cock was hard and wet, and Clark needed to touch the sharp cut of Lex's hips more than he needed to breathe. Clark knee-walked across the bed and reached for the slick. Lex flipped over and rested his head on his arms, back muscles flexing, a thick scatter of freckles standing out across his shoulder blades.

Lex watched over his shoulder as Clark pushed his slick fingers inside, eyes half-closed and one leg pulled up. Lex moved into Clark's touch with a luxurious, full-body stretch, and whenever Clark thought about what it meant, it blew his mind. Lex was always more about the grand gestures than saying the words, and Clark knew that he was the only one who was welcome to touch Lex everywhere like this. Which was good, because if anyone else touched Lex like this, Clark would have to kill them. With a really, really big blunt object. Like maybe the Empire State building.

It was possible that Clark had a tiny jealous streak.

"Feel free to have your wicked way with me," Lex said, lazily thrusting back against Clark's fingers.

Clark didn't need to be told twice. He licked his way up Lex's spine and urged Lex to his hands and knees. One hand on Lex's hip, the other on his dick guiding himself home, Lex's breath catching as he slid inside in shallow, teasing strokes until Lex ground himself back, and said, "Clark."

He responded to Lex's warning by pushing in hard, again and again, until Lex moaned and braced himself against the headboard. They'd tried this in Clark's dorm room once, skin slipping and catching, Clark's knees hooked over Lex's shoulders and Lex's cock so far up his ass that he thought he was going to explode unless Lex finally let him come. Mattress thumping and squeaking, and both of them making so much noise that everyone on his floor had known what he was up to.

God, he'd gotten teased about that for months. But the memory always made him flush, always turned him on, and always made him want Lex to be loud.

Clark sat back on his heels and dragged Lex with him. "Fuck!" Lex said, because he was spread wide, without leverage, and it felt like Lex's entire body was twitching around his cock. Lex rested his head on Clark's shoulder and grabbed one of Clark's hands, dragging it down his flat belly and closing it around his cock.

"Fuck. Me," Lex demanded, squirming on Clark's lap. He squeezed his hand around Clark's, and they jerked him off together. Lex was panting and making loud, turned-on noises deep in his throat, and then he was coming, neck arching back and his body clenching and clasping. Clark felt like his eyes were going to roll back into his head, and god, he wasn't going to last long now. Lex went slack against Clark's chest, and he lazily held himself upright by sliding one hand around the nape of Clark's neck. Clark thrust up hard a few more times, making Lex's breath catch in his throat, and Clark finally came with a gasp when Lex turned his head and bit his neck.

They slumped into an untidy sprawl, the comforter rucked up and their feet pointing toward the headboard. Clark's skin prickled and then itched vaguely as his sweat dried, but he was too comfortable with his face tucked under Lex's chin to do anything about it.

"Feeling better?" Lex said after a moment, his voice scratchy.

"Hmm?" Clark said absently.

"I was referring to your impending doom. May I assume the specter of Death is no longer looming over your shoulder?"

Clark burrowed closer. "Shut up."

Lex tangled his fingers in Clark's hair. "I only did this to save your life, Clark. It was a great sacrifice on my part."

Clark sighed. He definitely should have come up with a better strategy, because he had the feeling Lex was going to milk this one for days. "Know what? You suck."

Lex chuckled. "Apparently, I had to. It was a life or death situation."

"I think I hate you right now," Clark muttered.

"I help you cheat death and this is the thanks I get? Spock would've been more appreciative."

"You are such a dork, Lex," Clark said, rolling over to pin Lex beneath him. Lex looked well-fucked, a few small, purple bruises dotting his skin along with some red scratches from where Clark's fingernails had caught him.

Lex raised an eyebrow, but he was smiling. "And yet I'm not the one feigning improbable medical conditions to procure sexual favors."

"It's not like I was looking for a virgin to throw into a volcano," Clark muttered, tucking his face under Lex's chin again.

"Clark?" Lex said.


"There's something I have to tell you."

Clark sat up again. Quickly. "What is it?"

Lex looked at him for a long moment before lowering his eyes. "I just wanted you to know that..."

"What?" Clark demanded.

"I'm not a virgin, Clark," Lex said seriously. "I just thought you should know."

"You --" Clark said, then dropped his head onto the rumpled comforter. "Okay, this isn't ruling out your death by lava right now, just so you know."

"I'd hate to be accused of false advertising," Lex said, stretching his arms and then sliding one behind his head. "It's bad for business."


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