Angel And The Three Lawyers
by Patricia R.D.

Once upon a time, in the city of Angels, there lived three lawyers named Lindsey McDonald, Lee Mercer and Lilah Morgan, who worked for the evil law firm known as Wolfram and Hart. They were very evil lawyers, dedicated to make life easier for demons and mobsters and other ugly things in the city. A lot of people were afraid of them, not only for their connections and reputation, but because...,well they were lawyers. Nuff said.

One day, Lee and Lilah were on the Conference room trying to finish some paperwork when Lindsey appeared,holding a big box full of legal documents. His two colleagues groaned as one when they saw it.

"More?" They asked. Lindsey nodded, setting the box on the conference table.

"The senior partners want this done by midnight," Lindsey said.

With another collective groan, each lawyer took a folder and opened it.

"This one's too long," Lee whined letting the blue folder fall on the table.

"Mine's in some ancient demon language," Lilah complained holding her red folder open for everyone to see.

"And I mine's just plain boring," Lindsey said as he closed the green folder. "Why don't we take a break and godown to the bar? Lee's treat."

"Why me?" The lest-likable _and that's saying a lot_ lawyer asked.

"For letting that brunette slayer kick your ass not too long ago."

"I should be treated for that," Lee complained as they exited the conference room. "You were there and didn't do anything!"

"So sue us!" Lilah and Lindsey said at the same time.


A few minutes after the three lawyers left, the door opened and a dark-cladded figure entered. It was Angel, the hot sexy vampire with a soul who fought against the forcesof darkness and had ruined a lot of Wolfram and Hart's evil schemes. He and Lindsey McDonald also had the hots for each other but were too proud to admit it.

Once he made sure there was nobody in the room, Angel went straight to the table and started looking into the colored folders, expecting to find some clue about the Three Lawyers' next plan.

"If Doyle's vision was accurate," he said to himself. "One of this should have the information we need... and if I'm really lucky, a picture or something of Lindsey that I could take for *personal use*" A smile appeared on his lips as he thought of the hot lawyer.

He wasn't very lucky in the beginning. The first folder he opened was too long, even for him. The next one contained documents written in Clafred Demon Language

(Mental Note. Next time, bring Wesley along, so he can translate this and stop complaining about Doyle and Cordelia making out too much). But the last just had some pretty important-thought-just-plain-boring information our vampire really could use. An inspection of the conference room led him to a bottle of Buchanan 18 whiskey.

Smiling, he settled in a chair (Lee's), but stood almost immediately.

"Who the hell can work in a chair this uncomfortable? some sort of iron-ass demon?"

He tried the next chair (Lilah's) but it was too soft for his taste.

"Girlie chair," he called it.

Finally he sat on Lindsay's chair, and his crush's scent filled his nostrils,making him sigh before starting to read, the already open bottle of whiskey beside him.


Many, many hours later.

"La cucrashaaaa, la cu...crashaaa," Lee Mercer half sang as the three lawyers came out of the elevator and walked throughout the corridor. Lee's partners, as drunk as he, followed the Cucaracha song as best as they could,laughing hard, thankful that they were the only people in the building...

Until they entered the office and saw the vampire sleeping in Lindsey's chair, Lindsey's über-boring, apparently sleep-inducing green folder in one hand and Lee's apparently not-so-well hidden bottle of Whiskey in the other. He was snoring a little too.

The lawyers laughed. Lee walked to his place on the conference table.

"Shomeone's een shitting on my cher and reding my folders," he managed to say. Lilah sat on her chair and looked around.

"Shome vamp's been shitting on me cher too!"

With a big smile, Lindsey sat down on Angel's lap, causing the drunk dark-haired vampire to wake up.

"And he'sh shtil 'ere!" The good looking lawyer said before kissing a surprised Angel.

"Linshey..." Angel said.

The vampire tried to disentangle himself from Lindsey's embrace, but the lawyer kept his lips pressed firmly against the vampire's, and it felt really good, so Angel decided to give in for a second.

"Shee!" Lilah said hitting Lee on the arm. "Told ya!Now pay up."

Lee drew a 20 out of his wallet while Lilah started singing. "Linshey 'n 'ngel, shitting ona three..."

as she opened and closed different drawers.

On Lindsey's chair, the vampire and the lawyer _not seeing the difference here_ seemed to be having a great time with their make out session. So they didn't realize what Lilah and Lee were up to after he paid her until a flash make them break their kiss and look around.

"Perfeshh," Lee said taking another picture with his polaroid. Beside him, Lilah held a camcorder and talked about how that tape would a great ice breaker on the next Firm party.

Angel decided it was time to make an exit.

"Gotta go, Linshey," he said. He stood letting poor Lindsey fell clumsily to the floor and then managed to get the green folder and stumble his way to the door, not without grabbing Lilah's camconder on the way out.

"Shanks, luv," he said. "She ya."

The lawyers heard something shater outside the room.

"Shorry," Angel called out.

Then he was gone.

The Three lawyers didn't do anyhting to stop him. Except whimpering, in Lindsey's case. Lee fell on his knees beside his colleague, handing him the pictures.

"He'll be bak," he said.

Lindsey looked at him. "Ya shink?"

"Sur. Who kould reshist shexchy u?" With those words Lee Mercer leaned forward trying to capture Lindsey's lips. But the blue-eyed lawyer was already moving away, and all Lee got to kiss was the room's carpet.

Lilah was looking at the folders when Lindsey crawled to his chair beside her.

"Wha' he got?"

Lilah shook her head. "Shometin' portan'. We'r big trouble.

"Wha' we do?"

The lawyers looked at each other for a second, then they talked as one:

"Bar againsh."

Clumsily they left the office and walked towards the elevators. Lindsey putting the pictures in his pocket and planning to use them as Christmas postcards. Once in the elevator, Lee shook his head.

"We goin' to gesh ou ash kik!"

"At leash we got a leshon," Lilah said.

The two male lawyers looked at her.


"Nesh time he comes, we lock 'im up so Linshey can play."

"Ow 'bout nesh time we lock the door and turn on de alarm so he can't get in?" Lee said.

"Nah," answered Lindsey. "Like Lilah'sh beter."

"What we goin' to say to the shenior patrnes?" Lee asked.

"We'll dink of shomething," Lindsey said. "The vamnapire ish sexchy and shmart, but we're even more shamrt and deadlier. We're lawyers."

And the three lawyers had to agree on that one.


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