by Michelle K.

"I didn't know you lived here," she'll say as she slides onto a stool next to Amy's. 'Here' will be New York, Donna's new home.

"Of all the bars in all the towns, you had to walk into mine."

"You can only say that if you own it."

"I spend enough money here."

They'll talk about pointless things as if no time has passed, but they'll both be aware of their age, of all the fucked-up meaningful things that they can't discuss. Donna won't be used to her bare ring finger. Amy will notice her touching the imaginary gold band.

"How long?"

Donna will be confused until Amy nods to her hands. "It's been final for a couple of weeks."

Amy'll smile tightly, and Donna will feel like crying. She'll know she was just another hit and run victim, feel upset that Amy still finds pleasure in her pain; worse that Amy still has control over her fragile self-esteem. She'll look away but otherwise remain motionless.


She'll turn her head. The kindness in Amy's eyes will surprise her.

"I'm sorry, really. Josh doesn't--"

"You don't know anything about it," she'll snap. New city, many years later and still walking in the same circles, still having this same pointless argument. And because they're running on autopilot, Amy will kiss her hard and Donna will respond.

They'll take a cab back to Donna's apartment. Stumbling into darkness, their hands will move hurriedly over each other's bodies. Amy will curse as she trips over a box.

"I'll turn on a light." In the new illumination, Donna will attempt to pinpoint the emotions on Amy's face. She'll fail.

Another hungry kiss, and hands will grope without precision. Donna's blouse will end up on the floor, quickly followed by Amy's. They'll both be nude by the time they fall onto Donna's new comforter. Donna will rock her hips against Amy's palm as her fingers roam over Amy's skin. She'll arch her hips as Amy pushes two fingers inside her, wonder if they were (are?) all about sex. She won't know what tense to put their relationship in, nor will she understand if the word 'relationship' ever applied. But she will understand the feeling that washes over her as Amy makes her come.

Donna will kiss her in all the right places, move her tongue in all the right ways. Amy will still taste bitter to her -- such things do not get better with age. She'll tell Amy that she almost loved her. Amy won't reply, not even with a smile or a roll of the eyes. They'll go through the motions until they fall asleep.

Donna will dream of Josh and Amy, of spending the rest of her life alone. And, when she wakes, it'll be to an empty bed. She'll look for a note, find absolutely nothing. She'll vow that this is the end, but she'll look for Amy every time she enters a room.

They will never cross paths again.


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