Someone Like You
by Megolas

"I would sell my soul for something pure and true, someone like you."
- #1 Crush, Garbage.

I've been dying just to feel you by my side, to know that you're mine.

It's ten minutes past three in the morning, and Lance can see the light from those numbers flashing in violent red against the wall, bleeding from the digital clock on the bedside table. JC sleeps in the bed next to him, arms spread across the blanket and chest rising and falling with each measured breath.

Propping himself up on one arm, Lance watches JC sleep in a hotel room in Germany, and smiles.

When JC stirs and rolls over, Lance lets himself be pulled down against sleep-warmed skin and listens to the sound of JC's heart beating against the walls of his chest. Fingers slip across his back and JC's mouth latches onto the skin of Lance's shoulder.

Lance doesn't remember what it was like to sleep on his own before JC. Before the group. He honestly can't remember a time when he hasn't gone to sleep with someone, or a few someones, nearby. Sleeping tucked against Joey's side while they're waiting for the start of their next flea-pit show, Chris' braids leaving patterns embedded in his skin as they doze between interviews and demos. Colt-ish Justin all miles of teenaged boy with his legs and arms wrapped around Lance on the small cramped bus sofa. And now JC skinny boy-man with restless hands in a German hotel room, slowly tracing the emerging lines of Lance's body as the early morning ticks by

See your face every place that I walk in, hear your voice every time that I'm talking.

They're back in Orlando, two days at home before they go to Japan or back to Germany again, and Lance is taking his last trip to the supermarket as an unknown. He's still fairly incognito in shades, a hat, a plain t-shirt and the oldest pair of jeans he could find - he thinks they might belong to Joey; the waist is twice his size, and if he wasn't wearing a belt they'd be somewhere around his knees - and is currently skulking around the magazine section as he juggles his purchases into more comfortable places. He sweeps across the rows of glossy teen magazines, all offering the latest gossip and random free item and stops. They're on the cover of one - a German import - wedged in the corner of the rack, JC smiling out at him sweetly, partly obscured by another magazine. Lance remembers the photoshoot and the interview that went with it, the interviewer had spoken fast and clipped English and they'd all had to talk about their first crush.

Lance had made up something about a girl in his showchoir called Katy, who'd sung a reedy soprano and stumbled going up the stairs at a concert once. JC's hand had rested on his lower back, hidden from view behind the chair, and rubbed at the patch of skin where his shirt had ridden up. Lance had stuttered once as JC's fingers traced his spine.

Lance glances around the store and grabs the slightly battered magazine, adding it to his purchases. He doesn't meet the check-out girl's eyes and pays hurriedly. He wants to go home and read the article.

More interviews, and they're talking and laughing and flirting with the interviewers. JC's tenor mingles with Lance's bass when they laugh at Chris' jokes and Lance thinks that they harmonize without even trying. At night, their voices rise and fall as one. Broken only by JC's occasional sharp staccato gasps and the deep humming Lance knows comes from the bottom of his chest.

I will cry for you, I will wash away your pain with all my tears.

The lawsuit is finished and it's been decided in their favour. Chris whoops and they're all smooshed together in one big group hug. JC's shoulders shake under Lance's arm and later that night, curled together on someone's sofa - Joey's or Chris' - with Justin wrapped around Lance's legs, Lance holds JC close and lets him cry in relief into Lance's shoulders. JC hadn't cried during the whole thing, he's just been tight-lipped and tense, and when Lance has cried his tears have partly been for him.

When they sleep together, back at JC's, Lance sends a huge big 'fuck you' to Lou with every press of his hips and every muffled noise JC makes as he slides slowly underneath Lance's body. JC's arms are wrapped around him when they come. And Lance sleeps like a baby that night, in JC arms, now that the shadow of Lou finding them has retreated.

I will crawl on hands and knees until you see, you're just like me.

It's not all sunshine and roses, and they fight. JC's cold and brittle to the touch and Lance can hold a grudge like nobody's business. The things that Lance loved about JC in the start, in his heady days of his crush, soon grate, and JC often complains that Lance spends more time with his laptop than he does with him.

It's after a proper fight with things thrown and names called that they call it a day and break up. JC smiles brightly, too brightly, when he collects his things from Lance's house and Lance does the same when he collects his from JC's. He washes his sheets after JC's gone and spends the first night with a pillow in his arms instead of JC.

You will believe in me, and I will never be ignored.

When it looks like space is indeed an option in a year's time, JC is the first to hug Lance and burst out into an impromptus rendition of 'Space Cowboy'. Everyone else joins in and Lance is smiling so hard he thinks his face might split.

And then, when it does happen, JC comes and visits him in Texas and Lance gets to explain everything to someone who cares and believes. It's probably the best time he's had in training since the start. And when JC leans over and kisses him in Lance's room, Lance kisses back. It's like coming home, all the time in Russia with Freddie and all the time that's passed since they broke up seems to melt away as JC's hands slid across Lance's new space trained muscles.

I will believe in you

Lance has the dates written in his diary, underlined in bold black slashes. One for JC's single's first airplay, one for when the video drops and a third for when the movie comes out. He rang him and smiled and listened to JC's excited chatter on the other end of the phone.

He's so proud of his boys, watches Justin's single rise and soar and hopes that JC's will do the same. Joey's practically glowing on stage and Chris' RV appears to be his pride and joy. His dream didn't work out the first time but he's got the training now and the possible foot in the door for another flight and it's easier to smile and be happy for the others without feeling brittle inside.

He listens to JC's chatter and tells him he believes in him and can hear the smile over the line, feels the answering one spreading across his face.


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