Sometimes
Sometimes he wondered about kissing Frank, what it would feel like, if it would be good. If that tongue would be as good at kissing as it was at talking confessions out of guilty subjects who didn't want to talk. Other times he wondered about what the body underneath his nice suits was like, if it was as nice as he imagined, if he liked to have his nipples sucked.
He knew that he was just torturing himself with images of what he couldn't have, but he couldn't stop thinking about it either. The love of his life and he couldn't do or say a damned thing about it to anyone. So he fantasized in his head about what it would be like with Frank.
His favorite one was when Mary left Frank before Frank Jr was born. Frank would be lonely so he would come over to his apartment. He would confess to Tim that he no longer loved or wanted Mary as his wife, that he had his eye on something a little different. Then Frank would kiss Tim, first gently on his lips with only a swipe of tongue against his lips, then harsh, demanding. He would let himself be led back to his bed, being undressed the whole way by Frank.
Frank would be telling him what he wanted to do to him, how he wanted to taste Tim's cock, how he wanted to pound in and out of that tight ass. He would push Tim down on the bed and kiss his way down Tim's chest to his crotch where he would lick, suck and nip Tim almost to orgasm and then back down again while sliding his fingers in and out of Tim, loosening him enough to replace his fingers with his cock. Tim would be begging Frank to fuck him, and finally Frank would relent, pushing into Tim, filling him, completing him. The sex would be hard and fast, not lasting long, but Tim wouldn't care, he'd gotten his wish, Frank wanting him more than a cop partner.
He also fantasized about Frank coming by the Waterfront after bar-time, and Tim is the only one there. Frank would tell him that he wants, that he feels what Tim feels and that he loves Tim and wants to be with Tim. They would go into the back room and lie down on the cot back there together, slowly undress each other and jerk each other off before falling asleep in each others arms.
But the thing most on his mind when Tim jacks off is the night he got out of the hospital from being shot. Frank taking him out to dinner and thanking him that he jumped in front of a bullet meant for him. Driving him home because his back wasn't healed enough for Tim to drive yet. In the car, Frank leaning over unexpectedly and giving him a quick hug then pulling back. Tim impulsively brushing his lips over Frank's. Frank pulling back with a sad look on his face and telling Tim to take care of himself. Frank waited until he had gotten inside before pulling away. Tim was close to falling apart by the time he had his front door locked. He fell to pieces and is still falling to pieces.
Only now there is no one left to help him pick up the pieces.