Reflections (At A Tori Amos Concert)
"Hiiiiiiii-eeeeeeeeee!"
The shrill greeting cuts through my head like a knife. Resolving to myself never to drink that much again, I slowly open one eye. "Go away, Serena. I'm sleeping." I pull the blanket over my head.
"Nuh-uh! If you were, you wouldn't be talking to me, would you?" Her weight settles on the bed.
Can't fault her logic. I'm just amazed there was any... I shouldn't say that. I mean, Serena may be a major ditz, but she's one of the bravest people I know. She's also my best friend. And maybe, if I ever get the cajones to tell her, something more....
"Besides, Raye, Grandpa told me to wake you up. He said there's a lot to be done before the ceremony later." She pauses. "What ceremony?"
Still under the blanket, I mumble, "A wedding. But it's not 'til five. Go 'way." I turn over, trying to go back to sleep.
"A wedding! Oooooo, how romantic! Can I help, pleeeeeease?" Even though I'm not looking, I know she's clasping her hands as she begs.
"Perform it, for all I care. Now let me sleep!" I toss a stuffed rabbit (how appropriate!) at her and hear an 'ow!'
"That's enough of that. Now, get up!" Serena boldly rips the blanket from me. I'm glad I hadn't slept nude, as I often do on warm nights. The white cotton tank top and bikini don't cover much, and I feel myself blush. I don't know why. She's seen me transform hundreds of times, and I've seen her. That's Mars and Moon, though, not Raye and Serena. It shouldn't make a difference, but it does.
"Oops!" Her gaze lingers for a moment too long, probably just curiosity. She goes to my closet, grabs my bathrobe and throws it on me. "You'd better put that on before Grandpa walks in. Don't want to give him an eyeful!"
"Serena, you bimbo, he's my grandfather! He used to help me bathe, for Kami's sake!" Hey, I'll admit Grandpa's a bit of a lech, but he's not incestuous (I hope).
"Yeah, when you were five! You've developed a lot since then." She's right. I may be Japanese, but I'm sure not built like it. Years of martial arts training melted away what little baby fat I had, and being a senshi firmed up the rest.
"What are you doing here, anyway?" I ask her. "Shouldn't you be sleeping?"
Serena giggles. "Probably, but Mina and I are going to see Tori Amos tonight. I'm so excited I've been up since six. I tried to call you, but you didn't answer the phone, so here I am!"
I sit up and my head reels. My stomach threatens to lose whatever is left in it. Serena sees the queasiness in my face and a look of mild concern crosses hers. "Are you okay?"
I nod quickly, instantly wishing I hadn't as the remnants of last night's binge trickle from my mouth and down the flimsy undergarments, making them see-through.
"Oh, Raye...." She makes a clicking sound with her tongue. "I thought you weren't going to drink anymore." I open my mouth to speak and she cuts me off. "I don't want any excuses. What's done is done and you're the one who has to live with a hangover, not me." Serena sighs. "Come on, let's get you cleaned up. Put your arms up," she commands. I do, and she pulls off the fouled top, careful to keep it away from my face and hair. She stares brazenly at my bare breasts, commenting, "Wow, they're way bigger than mine." I try not to think about it. She helps me into my bathrobe and directs me to remove my panties as well. I comply mutely. She tosses the mess into the far corner.
Before we can leave my room the phone rings. I answer. "Hello?"
"Hi, Raye!" It's Mina, her chipper voice nearly as sharp as Serena's. "Is Serena still there? I called her house and her mom said she went to visit you."
"Yeah, she's here," I croak. "Hang on." I hand the phone to Serena as I flop face down on my pillow. "It's Mina."
"Hi Mina! I'm so psyched for tonight!" Serena bubbles over with joy. "I already picked out my clothes and I'm gonna put glitter in my hair and--" She pauses to listen for a moment. "Oh, no! Can't you get out of it? Yeah, I'll find someone else, it's okay. Talk to you later." She frowns as she hangs up.
"Whazzup?" I ask, muffled by my pillow.
"Would you please pick your head up?" she huffs. I do.
"What's up?" I ask again.
Serena's lips form an oh-so-sexy pout. "Mina can't go tonight. She's grounded for failing another Algebra test." Suddenly she snaps her fingers. "I've got it!" she exclaims, eyes shining. "Raye, will you go with me?"
"No way." I am careful not to shake my head this time as I am still dizzy from the last time. "Her music's okay, but I hate the way she sings. She sounds like a cat being strangled."
"She does not! Tori's voice is incredible. She just likes to improvise." Serena kneels down and clasps my hands in hers. "Raye, pleeeeeeeeease? It would really mean a lot to me!"
Looking into her azure eyes I feel my resolve weaken. Then, I remember... "I can't, Ren. I have to help Grandpa," I tell her, secretly breathing a sigh of relief.
There is a tapping on my door, then it slides open. "You decent?" Yuuichiro calls out. He waits only a few seconds as a courtesy before entering. The stench from my nightclothes (still in the corner) hits him and he visibly recoils in disgust. "Kami-sama, don't tell me you're drunk again," he groans. "Raye, if you keep going like this you're going to kill yourself."
"Fat chance," I mumble. Serena elbows me for that remark and my stomach rumbles threateningly.
"You know, it'd break Grandpa's heart if he knew how you spent your nights," Yuu continues.
"And who's going to tell him? You?" I laugh contemptuously. "He'd never believe you."
"You're right, he wouldn't. His heart needs glasses as well as his eyes. Well, maybe your father would be interested in what I have to say. Your reputation does reflect on his, after all."
I clench my jaw and narrow my eyes. "You wouldn't dare."
About a month ago I got picked up for being drunk and underage. (And for causing a small building to burn down. Oops. Maybe I shouldn't practice when I'm trashed.) For some reason the police called 'Daddy Dearest' to bail me out. He gave me the usual crap about how I was a mistake and an embarrassment to the Hino name. At least he waited until we were in the car before he started hitting me. Truthfully, it doesn't even hurt anymore. After having your heart crystal ripped out, being burned, slashed, crucified, etc.--you name it, I've endured it--not much does. It's just the principle, now. I won't let him hit me without landing a few blows of my own.
But hey, I'm no idiot. My father is a powerful politician and there's no way I'd dare lay a hand on him while in public, especially in a police station. I waited and when he struck me I grabbed his fist. I twisted his arm so sharply I nearly dislocated his shoulder. He looked at me with pain and fear in his violet eyes (the mirror image of my own), but his strength in anger prevailed and his feet took over the task of 'teaching me a lesson.' The only lessons he's ever taught me were violence and promise-breaking.
My mother died nearly a month after my fifth birthday. A few days later I went to stay with my grandfather. 'It's only for a few days, Raye, I promise. I'll come for you next week, Raye, I promise. I have to go away on business, for a week, but when I come back I'll get you, I promise.' One week became many. Weeks turned into months. I did not see my father again until my sixth birthday. On that night he told me he was giving me a special gift : I would be able to live with Grandpa, and study the ways of the temple, rather than have to travel all over with him. Some gift.
People wonder why I can be such a bitch. I learned from the best.
Yuuichiro's voice snaps me back to the present. "Serena, get her cleaned up and get her out of here. We've got enough trouble lately. The last thing we need is a rumor about a drunk miko going around town."
Serena nods. "Don't worry, I'll keep her out of trouble." She grins wickedly.
"You are not dragging me to that concert," I state emphatically.
"Sorry, Raye, I'm under orders!" She smiles at me beatifically. "Now, go take a shower." She points toward the private bathroom I had built last year, complete with hand-held shower.
"Yes, mistress," I say meekly, hanging my head in mock shame.
Serena giggles as she swats my behind. "Git!" I stop dead in my tracks and she spanks me again.
The sweet sting of her handprint lingers and becomes sore when the water hits it. My legs are unsteady and I nearly fall, so I sit on the stall floor. The cool tile is like ice against my most sensitive parts. I shudder as the sensation travels up my spine, raising goosebumps and causing my nipples to harden.
I lean back against the wall. The hot water courses over my curves like a lover's caress. My knees fall apart slightly, granting it further access.
The door makes a soft 'swoosh' as it is slid open. "Who's there?" I call out.
"It's just me," Serena answers. "I needed a tissue. Sorry, I should've knocked."
"S'okay," I murmur. Her mere presence sends shockwaves through me.
Her shadowy figure sneaks closer to the stall. My heart beats faster than I ever thought possible, threatening to leap from my chest. Her white fingers curl around the curtain and move it imperceptibly. Well, if she wants a show, I'll give her one!
I grab my bath sponge and lather it, starting to wash at my neck. The soap runs down and catches in the violet-hued tuft between my legs. I bring the sponge to my breast,circling around the dark pink nipple until it hardens. I pinch it lightly and surprise myself at how loudly I gasp. I take the sponge to the other breast as well, this time rubbing its roughness over the hard little bud. Oh, it feels sooooooooooo good, but I know of another hard bud that needs soothing. I run the soapy mesh down my taut stomach, down to my aching womanhood. There is a sharp intake of breath from my audience, and I wonder if she aches as much. The thought nearly sends me over the edge. Not yet, not yet. Ecstasy is sweet, but teasing Serena is sweeter.
"Serena? Are you still there?" Her response is incomprehensible...has she been playing? "Can you wash my back for me?"
"Okay." She nearly rips the curtain from the rod in her excitement and I can't resist calling her a klutz. I instantly regret it seeing the sadness flicker in her bluer-than-blue eyes. As her eyes roam over me, the sorrow is replaced by... admiration? Lust? I'm not quite sure, but it dies quickly.
"Sit forward," Serena bids me. I comply instantly. She pulls my soaked mass of hair over my shoulder and her hand brushes against my breast. I shiver as a delicious feeling spreads through me. If she notices, she does not react.
She slowly soaps my back. Her fingernail traces the red Mars sigil on my right shoulder. "Cute. When did you get that done?"
"Last week, I think."
"Another blackout?" she asks.
I nod. "At least I woke up alone that time." There have been a few occasions where that wasn't the case. Yuuichiro was one of the first I couldn't remember. Evidently I got royally smashed and went to his room. He said I had nothing under my robes, so I must have planned it...I didn't have the heart to tell him I often don't. He's still hurt and angry over the whole thing.
Her fingernails run up my side, snapping me from my reverie. She giggles evilly. "Wakey-wakey, Raye. Want me to do your hair?"
"Mmmm."
Her nails scrape the nape of my neck as she gathers my raven tresses. My whole body quivers at the intimate contact. She rakes my scalp and ice travels in waves to the very center of my being. I bite my lip to keep from crying out as a slow, sweet release overtakes me. My entire body seizes up, my inner muscles seeking a nonexistent lover to hold.
As abruptly as it started, the orgasm is over. The only sign of its passing is the weakness in my knees. Just as abruptly, Serena pulls her hand from my scalp. "I think you're still a bit drunk, Raye," she says quietly. I cringe inside, realizing she knows the effect she just had on me. She seems so innocent at times...I can never be sure what is meant and what is an accident. I suppose this is the latter.
"Yeah, maybe," I mutter, mentally kicking myself for letting her get to me. I hang my head slightly as she rinses my hair, allowing the soapy water to flow over my face and bring me back to the here and now.
Her gentle hand tips my chin up, while the other wipes suds from my eyes. "Keep your chin up, or you'll drown, silly," she giggles. "You and Rini...you both must like the shampoo in your eyes."
Why, oh why, did she bring up Rini? The little girl is just a cruel reminder of what the future holds...the happy, loving, royal couple with their beautiful daughter...me, still a soldier in their service, and alone....
The water shuts off. "You're done."
I blink a few times as reality reasserts itself, going from a grey haze to the brightness of light reflecting off the white tile. I feel a bit sad, knowing that my brief intimacy with Serena is over. I wrap my bathrobe around me as Serena bundles my hair into a towel. Even through the red terrycloth I can feel the cooler air as we re-enter my bedroom. My nipples harden in response and I shiver. I manifest my fire briefly and dry off.
Serena goes directly to my closet and goes through a multitude of outfits. Finally she pulls out a black minidress with a flared skirt. "You're wearing this tonight," she states in a tone which will not accept argument. "Do me a favor and wear flats. I feel short enough without you towering over me in heels." I resist the urge to tell her how much I love her petite size as I agree with a nod of my head.
I go to my dresser and take out my clothes for the day: tight black jeans and a turquoise cropped tank top, the better to show off my tattoo and figure. I drop my robe to the floor. Serena makes no effort to turn her face, her eyes roaming over me, devouring me. I slip on red satin panties decorated with black lace...a g-string, really. I hear her breath catch from behind me as I shift my hair, giving her a clear view as I adjust it between my asscheeks. One leg at a time I pull on my jeans, wiggling slightly to get them over my hips. Another set of hands pulls my hair up and out of the way. Having her this close to my half-nude body excites me more than the shower did. My nipples grow harder still, and my clit responds in kind.
Her breasts press against my bare back as she reaches over my shoulder and grabs a hair ribbon. Her hot breath on my neck nearly drives me crazy as she gathers the silken mass together. I glimpse her in the mirror as her nails again rake my neck, this time more purposefully. Then she stops, the coy little minx, and her hand flies to cover her mouth. Her azure eyes widen in...shock? fear? I can't be sure. "Raye..." she stammers, "I...I have to go." With that she bolts out the door, fast as the rabbits she loves so much.
"Serena, wait!" I call after her, but to no avail. I start after her, then remember I am still topless. I grab my top and pull it on as I dash through the hallway, praying to my gods that Yuuichiro and Grandpa are nowhere around. Heedless of the crowds of worshippers and numerous sharp stones, I run after the twin gold streamers...but I am too slow to catch her in my hungover state. She reaches the stairs before me. Gasping for breath, near to crying, I stop at the top. "Serena!!!" I call after her. Her voice floats up to me: "I'll see you at six!" I stand there a minute, hands on my knees, and catch my breath. A summer breeze kicks up suddenly, lifting my hair and drying the tears that slowly roll down my cheeks.
A soft hand lays itself upon my shoulder. "Raye," Yuuichiro asks softly, "are you all right?" I nod slightly, unable to speak without crying. The sobs come anyway, choked and muffled. He wraps me in his arms, so strong and safe to guard me from prying eyes as he guides me back to the house. Halfway there, he scoops me up and carries me instead...to get there faster, I suppose.
He carries me all the way to my bed and puts me down gently. He kneels and takes my left foot in his hands. I am puzzled until he dabs at the sole with a handkerchief; it comes away stained scarlet. "Does it hurt?"
"No," I answer quietly. I don't want to tell him I didn't notice the puncture until now.
He folds the cloth and wraps it around my foot tightly. "It isn't deep, so it should stop soon." His brown eyes are soft with an almost brotherly concern. "Raye, go back to sleep for a bit. I'll wake you in plenty of time to get ready for tonight."
I nod, laying down. I close my eyes as he pulls a light blanket over me. The last sound I hear is the door sliding shut behind him.
True to his word, Yuuichiro wakes me at four, a glass of water in in his hand. "Drink," he urges.
My mouth feels like cotton, so I do. Nothing has ever tasted as good in my life as this water does, cool and slightly sweet. I drain the glass with surprising speed.
Yuu regards me with some amusement, his brown eyes warm and sparkling. "Raye..." he begins, then falters, searching for the right words. I look at him expectantly, but I never anticipate what finally comes. "Raye, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have threatened you. It's just...well, you're...special to me. I think of you like the sister I never had. I worry about you." As he speaks from his heart he stares at the floor, avoiding my gaze.
My eyes search his face for a deeper meaning to his words, but I find none. Whatever he felt for me before, he has relegated me to the role of little sister. I'm not sure how I feel about that.
He turns to me suddenly, and takes my hands in his. "Promise me you'll stay sober tonight." His eyes meet mine, and I can see into his heart for an instant. "If not for me or for yourself, then for Serena."
The implication hits me like a ton of bricks. "You know."
He takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. "Raye, I've known for some time that you're Sailor Mars, ever since I saw her use a spirit ward. I guessed Serena was Sailor Moon from her hair. It doesn't take a genius to figure out who the others are."
I don't know whether to laugh or cry, but his next words make up my mind.
"You love her, don't you?" His eyes lock with mine and I feel all my arguements wither and fade, along with my resolve. I burst into tears. He buries my face in his shoulder.
"She...loves him...always has," I hiccup. "Her prince...."
"Shh...it's okay. It's all right." His hand, surprisingly gentle for such a large man, strokes my hair as he whispers words of comfort.
"No...it isn't. We're her protectors...always have been, as it should be." I sit back a bit, calmer now. "How can I protect her when I am preoccupied with the light--"
"--in her eyes, or the music of her laughter, or the way her hair covers her like a blanket when she...sleeps...." His words trail off suddenly, and the meaning of them becomes clear. "Raye...I...." he stammers, blushing fiercely.
I put a finger to his lips before he can say anything else. His eyes become the window to his soul and his love for me shines brightly in them. How could I have been so blind? Inwardly I kick myself, realizing how much I have hurt this gentle man over the past few years. My inner turmoil is pushed aside for a moment. "Yuuichiro...why didn't ever you tell me?"
"Because I knew I could never be enough for you, without knowing why. Now I know."
Oh, Kami-sama, it hurts to look into his eyes...so I lean forward and give him a peck on the cheek.
"What was that for?" he asks, eyes wide.
"For being you," I answer. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get dressed."
"Aww...can't I watch?" He grins lopsidedly as an unruly lock of hair falls over his eyes. He blows it up and out of the way, then flashes another smile.
"Ecchi," I say halfheartedly. After all, I expected a comment along those lines. Still grinning, Yuuichiro leaves me to get dressed.
I peel off my tank top and toss it into my clothes hamper, followed by my jeans, both sweat-soaked from my nap. For at least a minute I stand nearly naked, staring at the dress Serena has picked out. It has a halter neck and will show any bra I dare to wear. I decide against wearing one finally and slip it on. Looking in the full-length mirror I turn, and realize just how low the back is. It dips to a point just below my waist and (thankfully) just above my g-string. After wondering whether or not it will show, an evil thought insinuates itself in my mind and the g-string is flung into the hamper as well. The sudden draft makes me aware of my growing wetness.
A glance at the clock reveals that Serena will be here momentarily. I decide I still have a bit of time, so I line my upper eyelids in black. As I apply scarlet lipstick my door slides open and Serena bounces in. She is lovely in her pink floral minidress with its fitted skirt. Her pigtails are tied with gold and pink ribbons which trail down her back. Glitter decorates her hair and angelic face, making her truly look the magical girl she is.
"Raye, aren't you ready?!" she asks, incredulous. "I want to get there early and make sure we get good seats."
"Do you have the tickets with you?"
"Yes, in my purse." She rummages in her purse, pulling them out with a 'ha!' of accomplishment.
I turn from my mirror as I brush my hair. "Well, take a look at them. Are they general admission, or do they have seat numbers on them?"
"Hang on a sec...." She sits on my bed to pull the tickets from their envelope, rather than attempt to balance them and her purse while standing. "Section 108, row C, seats 4 and 5. Why?"
"If it's assigned seating, then it doesn't matter how early we get there. Calm down and let me finish getting ready." I turn back towards the mirror and continue brushing. Her reflection shifts and I glimpse white lace beneath her skirt. I can feel the blood rush to my cheeks at the thoughts that enter my head before the blush is visible. Gods, she is so sexy! I long to tell her, but I lack the courage. Instead I say, "You look nice, Serena."
"Thanks. So do you. I wish I filled out my dress as well as you fill out yours, though." She sighs, looking down at her smaller chest. The gauzelike material of her dress skims over her slender figure, accentuating just enough that her attributes are evident.
My eyes settle on the reflected lace yet again, and I find myself wondering about what lies underneath. A vision fills my head : peeling the panties off of her, I part the blonde curls and lower my lips to her netherlips...
...and shake my head violently, before madness takes over and I do such things for real. I stand quickly and the sudden draft makes me aware of my wetness. "Let's go, Serena," I say in as flat a voice as possible, rather than betray my feelings to her. I grab my purse and leave my bedroom, with her following on my heels.
As we slip on our shoes Grandpa enters. "Going out again, Rei-chan?" he asks me in his native tongue, using the Japanese pronunciation of my name.
"Yes, Ojii-chan. I won't be out late," I reply in English. My Japanese isn't the greatest, and with my head full of... other things, I'm in no mood to try.
He grabs my hand and his eyes bore into mine for a moment. When he releases me, I feel paper money in my hand.
"Arigato gozaimashita." I bow swiftly, then give him a peck on the cheek. He blushes a bit and I can't help but recall Serena's earlier comment.
"Have fun, Granddaughter. Stay out of trouble...both of you," he adds, looking Serena over.
"Thanks, Grandpa!" Serena answers exuberantly. Over the past few years Grandpa has treated my friends like family and they have responded in kind. "I'll keep Raye out of trouble; don't worry about her." I sigh and grab her delicate hand, pulling her towards the door. She allows herself to be pulled along, waving like a child, opening and closing her hand.
"Itte rasshai, Rei-chan," Grandpa calls after me.
"Itte mairimasu," I call back through the closed door.
Serena gigles as we dash towards the steps. "Grandpa's so cute. I just wish he'd stop checking me out."
Inwardly I cringe. Outwardly, I just shake my head.
It's a nice evening, so we walk to the concert venue. It only takes us about a half-hour. A crowd is already forming when we arrive. It seems to be made up of mostly girls, with the only guys being a few that were dragged along. In an effort to distract myself from Serena I check out a few other girls. One of them notices and winks. I blush. She smiles and saunters over. Her green crushed velvet shirt and black leggings hug her large, but pleasing, figure. I can't help but make a mental comparison to Lita, as they share height and coloring. "Is this your first Tori concert?" she asks.
I nod. "I was dragged here against my will. She's the fan." I indicate Serena with a jerk of my head.
The woman briefly glances at Serena and a strange look crosses her face. She leans forward and whispers in my ear: "When you tire of girls and you're ready for a woman, give me a call." Her hot breath caresses my ear as she presses a scrap of paper into my hand.
I let the paper flutter to the ground.
The chestnut-haired woman stares at the paper, then looks me in the eye. "You don't know what you're missing...but like opportunity, I only knock once." She gives Serena a dirty look and turns on her heel, stalking indoors.
We notice the crowd is thinning and decide to go inside as well. We find our seats occupied by two drunk guys who immediately hit on us. "Oh, I don't think my girlfriend will let me be with any guys," Serena purrs, clinging to my arm and leaning her head on my shoulder.
"Well, we can always make it a foursome," one of the guys slurs.
"No, we can't," I say, giving a menacing glare. As drunk as they are, they wisely decide not to press the issue and vacate our seats. Once they are out of earshot we both burst out laughing.
The opening act is horrible, as so many are. Enough said. There is a resounding cheer as he leaves the stage and the house lights come up quickly.
At nine, when Tori is due to take the stage, the crowd begins to chant her name. Oh, how I once longed for the ecstatic rush of everyone screaming my name! Now it is enough to hear Serena call it from across the shrine courtyard.
Around 9:15 the lights finally dim and the crowd goes nuts, screaming their adoration for Tori. She finally takes the blue-lit stage, bowing and blowing kisses to the crowd with both hands before being seated at her Bosendorfer. When the crowd quiets she strikes a note, softly...then again, louder...and again. Her rich voice lifts over the repeated notes:
"She's a beauty queen
my sweet
bean bag in the street
take it
down out to the laundry scene
don't know why she's in my hand
can't figure what it is
but I lie lie lie again"
The crowd shrieks its approval as she continues, launching into a magnificent piano/voice duet.
"I've got me some horses to ride on, to ride on they say that your demons can't go there..."
Funny that she should mention demons, considering I'm constantly battling internal and external ones. I find her music (voice) to be less annoying live, and actually begin to enjoy it.
"...as long as your army keeps perfectly still...
keeps perfectly still...keeps perfectly...still"
The song ends and the stage is suddenly white as the lights change. A curtain behind Tori rises and her band is revealed. The new song brings more declarations of love, making the jangly guitar barely audible. Tori mumbles into the microphone: to hear her pearls of wisdom, the crowd must be silent. Once they are she begins to sing:
"All the world just stopped now
so you say you don't wanna stay together anymore..."
As she sings she seems to be looking directly at...me?! It's impossible, but the words are oh-so-fitting. On our last night, as we lay together, Darien told me he didn't feel right about continuing our relationship.
"I think it's that...girl
I think there are pieces of me you've never seen
maybe she's just pieces of me you've never seen..."
She strikes a chord, and it slices through my heart, through that long-hidden, secret pain. Serena sensed it, saw through my facade, while we were trapped on that ski slope. Like the fool I am, I shoved my true feelings aside and laughed it off. Then I further sabotaged any chance with either of them by pushing her wholeheartedly towards him. Yet how could I not? She is my best friend, my soulsister. She is my princess. She is...my insanity. She is my heart. He is hers. I am not.
"caught a ride with the moon
I know I know you well
well better than I used to"
All I want is her happiness. Is that wrong? He can make her happy. He can be her dream prince. I am just a glorified bodyguard.
"haze all clouded up my mind
in the days of the why's we could've never been"
But when I am with her, I am more than that. Her infinite capacity for love and forgiveness confounds me to no end. I call her a klutz and she laughs. I mock her hair, and she calls me her best friend. I tell her to grow up, and she throws her arms around me.
"so you say and I say you know you're full of wish"
No shit.
By the end of the song tears are streaming down my face. Serena looks at me, the orange spotlight reflecting off her glittered face and eyes. Oh, those eyes! They can see right through me sometimes, and this was one of them. "Raye, what's wrong? Oh, no, did that song dredge up bad memories? I'm sorry, I shouldn't have dragged you here. I'm such an idiot!" Her beautiful, perfect mouth keeps moving but I can hear no more as the crowd roars its approval. Her lip trembles in empathy.
How I long to throw my arms around her and tell her I'm the idiot, not she. But I do not. I cannot, for I have often said the same. Innumerable times I have degraded and humiliated her, never realizing until recently why. I've spent so long hiding any real feelings that it has become instinct rather than habit. Somehow, in the midst of all my self-denials, this wide-eyed, innocent child reached the part of me that is capable of love and I began to see her as more than a tolerated nuisance.
Her pigtail slaps against me, bringing back reality. Once more lost in the music, Serena writhes and undulates in ecstasy.
"boys on the left side
boys on my right side
boys in the middle
and you're not here..."
Oh, if she only knew how wet her dancing got me!
I don't know when I fell in love with Serena. I remember when I first consciously realized it, though. It was when we fought against the Cardian Minotaur and regained our memories. As they came flooding back, so did my feelings. I held her trembling body to me, reveling in the sensation of her chest heaving against mine. I realized she would have given her life for us although we didn't know her. I knew I could and would do no less for her. The naive child I once knew had turned into a woman overnight and captivated me, body and soul.
"dreamed a little dream
made my own pretty hate machine..."
I laugh out loud at this line, attracting glares from those around us. Serena turns her face towards me, biting her bottom lip. Her caring, trusting eyes well slightly with tears.
What kind of beast am I, to bring her this pain? Yet I cannot tell her the truth; it would only cause more pain.
The stage darkens, and the crowd quiets. A lavender spot hits Tori, now alone on stage. A soft chiming begins:
"and through the life force and there goes her friend
on her Nishiki it's out of time
and through the portal they can make amends..."
I note the simplicity of the melody and the beauty therein. Just like Serena.
"can't stop what's coming can't stop what is on its way..."
She must be able to read my mind. So often it feels like that!
"I said you don't need my voice girl
you've got your own..."
Words I could've, should've said. I could have been more supportive. I should have challenged her less. But it was all to make her stronger. Someone had to...didn't they?
"bells and footfalls and soldiers and dolls
brothers and lovers she and I were..."
I can stand to hear no more. I race down the steps and aisle and out into the hallway. I vaguely hear her call out my name over the incessant noise of that accursed piano. 'O wretched muse, get thee from my head! Cease voicing my most secret desires!' I scream silently. I sink to the floor, against the wall. Burying my face in my knees I mutely cry out my heart.
I smell her fruity body spray before her hand touches my shoulder. Still I flinch. Her touch is featherlight, but it electrifies me. Just the merest contact makes my knees weak.
"Raye, what's wrong?" Her high-pitched voice is music to my ears. "Please talk to me. I thought you were thinking of Darien, but there's no way "Bells" has anything to do with him. And don't say it isn't the music, 'cause I've been watching you since you began crying two songs ago...no, make that three. Raye, you mean the world to me and I want to MMMPH!"
I do the only thing I can think of to silence her, and kiss her. Right on the mouth, hard enough to steal her breath. It is at once the bravest and most foolhardy thing I've ever done. Her lips are soft and sweet, as I always dreamed they would be.
It must be a full minute before I realize her hands are on my face as she returns my kiss.
A guard clears his throat. "Ladies, you can't stay here."
Serena does not take her eyes from mine as she replies, "Lovers' quarrel. Do you mind?" He walks away uncomfortably. She strokes my hair and brushes an errant jet strand back from my eye. "How long have you known?" she asks, her eyes shining.
I look at her, bewildered. "Since we battled the Cardian and got our memories back."
"Really? I didn't realize how much I loved you until about...two months...ago...." She trails off as she notices my expression of utter shock. Logic prevails again and her eyes widen in realization. "You mean...oh, Raye! I can't believe you hid it for so long! Why didn't you tell me?"
"I just wanted you to be happy." My voice is a shaky rasp. "I thought he made you happy."
Her voice becomes as soft as her noon-sky eyes. "He does, but not like you. You are so much more than a friend. You are my fire, my passion. My inner voice. You have turned me into someone who deserves respect. You have given me the strength I will need to rule Crystal Tokyo.
"Raye, you are sister, friend, protector and lover rolled into one for me. I love you as much, if not more than Darien. Never doubt that." Her soft, warm lips press against mine, this time with more urgency. And my heart sings.