Freaks
(camera up on ELIZA DUSHKU, seated comfy chair in SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE GREEN ROOM, cigarette in one hand, many more in the ashtray on the table in front of her. She looks annoyed.)
(Enter TORI AMOS. She sits gracefully on a loveseat next to ELIZA'S chair, pulls out a bag of 'smoking herbs' and rolling papers, and rolls.)
TORI: (offering spliff to ELIZA) You look upset.
ELIZA: (stubs out cigarette, takes a long drag of spliff and passes it back) Just pissed about some of the latest reviews. (exhales)
(ELIZA and TORI pass the spliff back and forth during the following conversation, with breaks as needed for smoking)
TORI: So what is it this time?
ELIZA: What isn't it? I didn't take enough off. I didn't keep enough on. The plot was crap. The plot was overdeveloped. The characters were underdeveloped.
TORI: (leans forward and puts her hand over ELIZA'S, a look of sympathy on her face)
ELIZA: But I think my favorite has to be one that said the only people who didn't walk out were the freakish fanboys who make up my cult following. (groans) He's right, some of my fans are real freaks, but a cult? Dunno if I'd go that far, but....
TORI: (smiling secretively) Oh, honey, that's a good thing.
ELIZA: (scrunches face in confusion) Huh? How?
TORI: (drops roach into ashtray, stands, pulling ELIZA to her feet and towards the door) Because.
ELIZA: Because...? (looks doubtful but allows herself to be dragged along the short hallway)
(ELIZA and TORI reach a door leading to the outside)
TORI: Because... (opens door wide)
(camera angle changes to show scores of FANS, some of the females dressed as various ELIZA characters including but not limited to FAITH and MISSY, others are TORI clones)
TORI: (offscreen)...having a loyal cult following means you have people who'll do anything on your command. Imagine the possibilities.
(camera changes back to original angle, ELIZA has a wide grin which can only be described as evil, TORI looks pleased)
(fade to black)