Nothing But Some Feelings
by Adelaide Elizabeth Morgan

I loved him... still do, if I allow myself to be honest. Just don't expect me to ever admit that out loud, ok?

I thought that he loved me. He told me he did. When we were together. Alone. He never used to let us be seen together. There's part of me now that's glad, knowing what I do about him.

Married. With children.

He told me he loved me. And I believed him. How could I have ever been quite so stupid? Looking back it's obvious, really. I mean look at him; a rock star. What would he have ever seen in plain, normal me?

I shouldn't be here tonight, should be somewhere that's the farthest point ever away from this place. But I can't. I have to see him. Have to see that mussy wavy brown hair. He's had it highlighted now. It looks almost blond. It suits him. He looks good, but then he always does. His blue eyes are shining and that smile... how anyone can resist that smile is beyond me. It lights up his whole face and...

I'm reminiscing - I shouldn't do that. Shouldn't let myself get lost in the past. There's no way I can ever remember how good he used to make me feel about myself.

So I watch him in the here and now. On stage. Doing what he does best, what he loves. He told me he loved me more than being on stage; foolishly I believed him. How could I have believed him? Look at him - he loves it. And he's... I hate to admit it but he's amazing at what he does.

Kneeling on stage, making eye contact with some lucky girl in the front row as he sings a slow ballad to her. He'll make her believe whatever she wants to believe about him. And she will fall for him hook, line and sinker. He'll take her back to his hotel room; tell her how he's been looking for her all his life. She'll believe him and fall in love with him. And he'll break her heart, tear it out, rip it into little pieces and then stomp all over whatever's left of it.

I'm bitter, I know I am. He's probably changed. It's probably all just a show. He probably doesn't take girls back to his room anymore. The groupie thing was the 80s and I was just another sad lonely victim of the era. I just can't help but wonder...

He said he loved me.


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